How to quit lust: a practical plan for Christians

Lust, temptation and attraction are different things

Noticing that someone is attractive is not lust. Being tempted is not lust either: Hebrews 4:15 says Jesus was in all points tempted like we are, yet without sin. The letter of James describes the path: each person is tempted when drawn away by his own lust and enticed, and the lust, when it has conceived, bears sin.

In Matthew 5:28 Jesus speaks of everyone who gazes at a woman to lust after her. Our reading is that the weight falls on gazing in order to lust, and on what you keep feeding. That is why the plan below works on what you feed and where you go, not on never having a thought.

What Matthew 5:27 to 30 asks

Jesus quotes the commandment against adultery and then says that whoever gazes at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. He goes on: if your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out; if your right hand does, cut it off, because it is better to lose one part than for the whole body to be thrown into Gehenna.

Our own reading, which your pastor may refine, is that Jesus is asking for serious action against whatever makes you stumble, not harm to your body. The practical translation is to remove the occasions: the app, the late-night scroll, the channel. Job 31:1 shows the same attitude: I made a covenant with my eyes.

Seven steps

These steps are our own practical advice built on the passages above. Use as many as you can and do not wait to feel ready.

• Name it. Write down in plain words what you struggle with, when it happens and what comes just before. A specific problem can be planned for.
• Block the way in. Lock or delete the apps and sites where you fall, and charge your phone outside the bedroom. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says God makes the way of escape with the temptation, and you can build part of that way ahead of time.
• Pray in the moment. Put the phone down, leave the room and pray one short sentence, such as asking for help. Hebrews 4:16 invites us to draw near with boldness to find grace for help in time of need.
• Tell a person. James 5:16 says to confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. Choose a friend, pastor or counselor who will listen without drama.
• Rest. Note the hours you fell. For many people they are late, tired or lonely hours. Fix the hour: go to bed earlier, eat, call someone, walk.
• Return after a fall. 1 John 1:9 says that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us. Record it, tell your person and begin again the same day. A reset to zero is not required.
• Play the long game. Once a week, read your notes and change one thing. Keep what worked.

What to do on the first bad day

Do not argue with the urge. Stand up, put the phone in another room and breathe slowly for a minute. Drink water, step outside, and pray the shortest prayer you have: Lord, help me. An urge rises and passes, and you do not have to decide anything while it is high.

Then message your person with one line, such as: rough hour, praying, will update you. If you fall anyway, follow the sixth step above instead of waiting until tomorrow.

What self-report and research say

Most of what is written about quitting is self-report. A 2021 study in Archives of Sexual Behavior analyzed 104 abstinence journals by male members of one online forum. Members described abstinence as very challenging because of habits and cravings set off by many cues, and said a mix of internal strategies and outside support made it attainable for many. The authors say future studies are needed to test abstinence rigorously.

A 2019 paper in the same journal proposes that for many people, feeling addicted to p*rn is better understood as moral incongruence, using it while believing it is wrong. The model still needs testing, and the authors note that mental health professionals are divided on whether p*rn use is addictive. Neither paper shows that a particular plan works.

Talk to a doctor, therapist or pastor if the struggle feels out of control for months, harms your work or relationships, or comes with heavy shame, anxiety or low mood. If you feel hopeless or think about harming yourself, call or text 988 in the United States, free and at any hour.